I'm a bit scared today. The money situation is dwindling, and I think I'm gonna struggle to find a flat until I'm in full time (non temp) employment. At the moment, I'm not even getting the temp gigs.
Last week, I made myself a plan.
In order of priority / occurrence -
1. Get a job, any old temp job, so that I have money coming in.
2. Get a place to live / get a permanent job. These are tied. Whichever comes first, really.
3. Maybe take a second job, just for the holidays to bring in a bit of extra bring
4. After the holidays, start to focus on The Project (yes, it gets capitals) and photography as side gigs.
It sounds all nice and easy on paper, but I feel like my wheels are spinning a bit. I just wanna get cracking, and instead I'm going to see flat after flat and emailing agency after agency. I'll get there. I know I will. I'm just a bit scared today.
So. To combat the fear. What am I grateful for?
1. A roof over my head. A friend of a friend took me in, is charging me "mates rates" rent, and I can stay till I've found a more permanent flat.
2. My friends and family. They've housed me, listened to me, advised me, and done their best to help me in any way they can. I'm a lucky person to have such special people in my life.
3. My freedom. I was in pretty rough shape a few months ago. My living situation / relationship / life was causing me so much stress that I was waking up some mornings unable to open my mouth. Apparently I'd been clenching my teeth so hard all night that I'd actually manged to lock my jaw. It wasn't healthy. I wasn't eating, sleeping or enjoying my life. Now, for all the money stress and lack of employment, I am still happier than I was back then.
4. London. I'm glad this place exists, and that I get to live here.
5. Me. When the going got tough I...well, I guess I crumbled a bit. But then I picked myself back up, dusted myself off, and am in the process of building something I love here. I'm grateful that when the going got tough I coped. Not perfectly, maybe not even well, but I had the presence of mind to seek out that which would help me cope. And now that I've coped, I'm grateful that I have the will to flourish. It hasn't happened yet, but it will. I'll make it happen.
There are more, obviously. I could ramble on all day about being grateful for my favourite hoodie or Korean food or this or that, but I'll spare you.
Instead, I'll leave you with just one more thing I'm grateful for -
A million adventures in my life, and the ability to feel awe at each and every one. I never want to become jaded.
Happy (Canadian) Thanksgiving!
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