Wherefore art thou, sister?

My friendship with Carrie is based, at least in part, on a twist of alphabetical fate. My last name starts with a G, hers starts with an H, and so she sat behind me in grade 9 French class. From there, we became friends, close friends, and now I call her my sister. Her mom and dad call me their other daughter, and my parents refer to her in the same way.

Carrie has always been a big cheerleader of mine. In high school, I was the super-involved type, running for student government (and losing), applying to lead at the school's leadership conference (and failing), writing for the school newspaper, playing sports, attending all the "big games". You know the type. Carrie was never overly interested in any of that, but she was my friend and she was always keen to come along for the ride.

When I decided I was going to start a woman's hockey team at my high school, Carrie had my back. I set about rounding up players, coaches, sweaters and ice time. Lunch hour after lunch hour, Carrie trudged around with me, meeting with teachers and principals, digging through old boxes of discarded sporting equipment. And when we had our first game, Carrie was there cheering us on.

I went for a hike with Carrie the other day. We've known each other for more than half our lives at this point, and we've been walking parallel paths for the vast majority of that time. When I told Carrie that stuff needed to change, that this was my (maybe last) chance, she said she was relieved to hear me say that. She said she'd been worried about me for a while, wondering where my spark had gone. She said she wondered if I was happy.

That was a big old wake-up call for me. My sister, who's cheered me on and supported me and believed in every absurd idea I've ever had...she thought I wasn't doing my best. I want to be someone who does her best.

The good news is that I'm lucky. I have friends and family who believe in me, and are willing to put themselves out there and give me honest (yet gentle) wakeup calls when I need them. I know I'll have their support... as soon as I figure out what the doodle it is that I'll be doing.

I wish I could figure that out faster. I wish it was like a math problem, plug numbers in, get result. Know that result is solid. This, I'm just kind of waiting and meditating and struggling to find a new path. I really don't even know how to find a path.





I cal this one "Sister on a Swing". Taken while camping in Korea in 2007. Happy birthday tomorrow, sis!